THE LAND OF MAYBE:
Advice and Stories of Love and Loss
Me calling in to the Larry King
Show during a "Why are you up?" night:
LK: Hello Sacramento.
This is Larry King. Why are you up?
Me (sounding upset): I
just found out my wife's cheating on me, and I'm just up sorting things
LK: Too bad. What do you
do for a living?
Me: I'm a college student.
LK: Gee, that's rough.
What does she do?
Me: Uh, she's uh...stripper.
Well, basically a dancer in a nude bar.
LK: Well, you certainly
took a chance with that one.
Me: Yeah, it was just
one of those things. Just one of those things.
LK: Thanks for calling.
I should've made some comment
about look who's talking Mr. Married-Seven-Times, but you know how things
work. You never think of the good things until it's too late.
I've got it on tape, so one day
there'll be an mp3 of it here.
Des Plaines Oasis - May 19, 1991
This is to certify that on this date of May 19 in the year
of our Lord nineteen-hundred and
ninety-one David Smith and Amara have completed
their pre-marriage ceremony by the laws
and regulations of the Universal Life Church.
signed by Phillip Banner, Amara,
Dave Smith and Jim Troutheart (witness, this means you, bub)
on the back of a flier for a gay bar