Links o' Shatners

Best actor on star trek?! I think not. That'd surely be Nimoy's job. However, Bill's certainly got his own special shtick down that no brooding-brando or fey tough-guy Jimmy Dean-wanna-be'll ever touch. Hell baby, I bet there're still chicks fall for his smooth-talkin' lines if only on account of the bastard'll ball nearly everything walks upright. No, no. Bill ain't much for diversity, or subtlety, or any other trick an actor learns as a means of staying in the biz. See, when you're an icon, such as HE is, you don't gotta go learning how to act. You don't got to Lee Strasburgh for a lesson on how to be angry. You don't got to learn how to act angry. You just try to LOOK angry. If you're doing your job, that's all the kids are really looking for. -- Cap'n Tequila Ed Kirk

The UberPage of the First Church of Shatnerology

James T. Kirk Macarena Page!

Starship Exeter
(not Shatner, so to speak, but hey they made their own episode)

Wil Fuckin' Wheaton
(go there and tell him how you got there)

Naked Klingons!

Other Star Trek Bands

It's my civic duty as the worst bass player in Sacramento to take pot-shots at other bands. Hey, I love the Angry Samoans which basically means I'm the best reviewer of bands. My bass amp that I got from Todd from the Angry Samoans says so.

No Kill I Reviews - Damn, I had a bunch of really good reviews from but I can't find 'em right now. Stuff like "this is the worst band ever", "stupid", "get a life", and other nifty things like that. I'll review us myself: "this is the worst band ever, stupid, get a life." The show stories should pretty much describe it.

No Kill I: The Next Generation - the No Kill I tribute band. They played one show. They were a million times better than us.

No Kill I: Deep Space Nine - The V-Town Have-Nots (who do a couple Star Trek songs) were talking about doing it. They sound pretty No FXy which would be pretty funny to hear a punk rock band that can actually play doing Star Trek songs.

Stovokor - A Klingon speaking metal band from Portland. I don't know much about them, but we'll be playing with them at the Trekkies 2 show.

The Vulcaneers - Bay Area hipster garage rock band that had a couple members that dressed like Star Trek characters. We played with 'em in Oakland at the Hof-Brau. It was another crappy show but Ed brought a portable bar with him and we got pretty drunk on the drive down in a 64 Dart GT I had. It was a pretty fast car, too. Nice souped up 318. Anyway, if I remember right, they were okay for a few minutes, but played for over an hour, so they sucked in the end. I'm sure that'd be the standard NKI review if it included "too drunk to stand" and "scared they were gonna hurt someone, hoping they'd hurt themselves" that the standard NKI reviews have. They were around from like 1995-1998 and got a record called "Beat Me Off Scotty" which I've never heard or seen. Someone just told me that it's Skankin' Pickle. No wonder they sucked.

The Shatners - The Star Trek version of the garage band the Hi-Fives. Later the Hi-Fives became humorless, kicked out the 2 guys (Al Sobrante and Jess Hilliard) that were both nice and funny as part of The Professional Change. The remaining schmucks quit doing the Star Trek stuff and became a humorless boring band trying hard to get famous and they went nowheresville. They were around from like 1994-1996. We used played with them back when Ironsides liked us (Kim was still smitten with me). They got a record. I've got it, you probably don't.

William Shatner's Pants - They were (or are) an Australian cover band. I believe it was the aforementioned Al Sobrante who told me about them. I just stole the Star Trek insignia from them when I looked up their site. They do a Fleetwood Mac cover, so what can you say. Sure we'd all rather hear Cheap Trick, but what can one person do?

S.P.O.C.K - Star Pilot On Channel K, later changed to Space Pioneers Orbiting Ceti K and then back again. They're from Sweden and have been around since 1988. From an interview: "We don't want to be 'the Star Trek band'. S.P.O.C.K is a real band and now we have established ourselves and are ready for what might come." What a bunch of babies.

The Romulans - They have a Star Trek name, but they don't dress up. At least I don't think they do. It's a punk rock band that started in the early 80s in the San Francisco Bay Area. They had some sort of legal brew-ha-ha with Paramount over the name, but they won.

Warp 11 - They were another Star Trek band from Sacramento, but I've heard they broke up. They sent email saying they did an internet public access show and wanted No Kill I to be on it, but then they saw us at the Press Club where Cap'n Kirk was playing with fireworks and got scared, so they started their own band. It's always good to have 2 Star Trek bands in a small town, but come on, did they have to steal our costumes too? Why aren't they a Star Wars band? At least work with the gimmick instead of just straight up swipe it. There's a zillion ways to be in a Star Trek band.

I finally saw 'em last night (2-9-1) at the Distillery. They played with the Colonels (Tequila Ed's other crappy band) and some lame ass band called Seymore Butts or something like that (a couple good bits about 10 seconds between hours of blech -- I heard them described that night as "a never-ending medley of bad songs." Think of a generic soulless "Hey we're from LA and we're a rocking indie rock band" type band running through the motions only with that dead junky from the Grateful Dead on bass even though they're from Sacramento and that dead junky is dead). Anyway, Warp 11 is a generic rip-off of us, but I haven't seen a Star Trek band that I didn't laugh at. I laugh at No Kill I all the time. Warp 11 is musically pretty bland Top 40 rip-off type songs (although I got email from their bald guy which said "We are not Musically Bland.... were just more sensitive than No Kill I"). You know those bands of nice guys where everyone can play too well? The Mirror Mirror opposite of No Kill I. Nice guys play lousy music. I don't know why that happens, but it's law. They brought uniform shirts for everyone which was cool and had a giant chart of songs which they'd let people choose from. They also had a fancy Mugatu suit which I tried on and danced around during their set while they threw beers at my head and yelled, "Dance, monkey." Ha ha, I slay me. But seriously folks, I just transported in and boy are my electrons tired. Hello there?! Is this universal translator on? Anyway, yeah, that was a real nice Mugatu suit. Way way nicer than mine. Now they also have a Gorn, A Green Skinned Woman Whom No Man Can Resist and a Yeoman. I think we'll just lease them our name and let them run with it. Even money they'll have an Abe Lincoln soon.

gorny gorn gorn

The Gorn




  Incredibly True Show Stories
  Upcoming Events
  mp3 songs for free!!
  Recording Log
  Song Lyrics
  No Kill I: The Next Generation
  Shatner vs Heston
  very short (173k) No Kill I wav You should listen to it, yup.
  Message Board


Stardate 1-2-fuck-you

No Kill I

PO Box 2414
Sacramento, CA 95812-2414

Archbishop's Home