blowing chunks Zombiebot better off dead



We've taken the Zombie Truck over from Baron von Grizman (see Hogan cemetary hipster) and shot it full of holes. I got a bit carried away at the Remote Control Car Hunt/AOL/Computer shoot, and Baron von Grizman really should've known that I'd be liable to shoot holes in the tailgate of a borrowed truck. Anyway, Bill and Dave Ninja and I have started work on the Zombie Robots. We're rigging up a couple of robots to fight each other out in the desert. Then we'll shotgun the winner or rig it with propane tanks or something. It was June 1941 when Germany launched Operation Barbarosa (the Invasion of the Soviet Union) and it was June of 1998 when we launched Operation Zombiebot. It'll probably kill some Commies and Germans too.

Day 1, June 15: Hosed off the two donor mowers and started deconstruction on Zombiebot numbero zero. We need to get the Briggs & Stratton up and running. Maybe run nitrous through it. Our neighbor (fat chick with a baby) already hollered at us for cutting the grass with a chainsaw (at 5 o'clock in the afternoon). She's really gonna hate us.

Day 8, June 23: I think someone kicked it last night, which is like working on it. Oh, and Jeph: King of Valiants made fun of us which is the same as working on it. The upstairs neighbors (different from the fat chick) hate us now, but that's not zombiebot related. They're gay and neighbors, so I like to call them "gaybors." It's my own contraction. If you use it you have to pay me royalties.

Day 11, June 26: I'm changing the name on my driver's license to Jesus el Diablo con Carne. That's next week.

Day 35, July 19: I haven't changed my name yet, but that's okay, we haven't touched the zombie bot yet. The zombie bot looks good on the front porch and neighbors often come by to cheer. By cheering I mean glaring. It's as close to having a car on blocks as we can get (and we'd do that if we could drive a car up those stairs). We used the Zombiebot last night as a firework launching ground. Like testing.

Day 72, August 25: Bill wrote a letter to the Webster's Dictionary people. Click here to see it. As of December 5, 2000 (Day 892) they haven't responded.

Day 110, October 2: Dave Ninja and I dismantled the Zombiebot in the living room while Lisa and Bill heckled us, so it's like they helped. King Jeph the mechanical engineer came by and heckled us, so it's like he's helped. He said he'd give us $50 if we got the engine to start before the year 2000. We can use books, and ask for advice, but can't bring in anyone else. We decided to get black militia uniforms to wear when we go to the desert to fight the Zombiebot. The fat chick neighbor moved out, and we fight the Zombiebot on the 24 or 25th. It's kind of an eery coincidence.

Day 111, October 3: Dave Ninja fixed the starter spring and we tried using the propane torch to get the last bolt off, but no luck. We're going to rig a propane tank onto the Zombiebot so it will blow up when we shoot it. It's nice that propane can create as well as destroy.

Day 128, October 20: Dave Ninja and I started putting it all back together after hacksawing off what we couldn't unscrew. We've decided to add Monkey Drive to it, which means we'll duct tape a red assed monkey to the 'bot before we let it fly free in the desert. It's going going gone date is scheduled for November14. Invite yourself over if you want to see it before then.

Day 149, November 10: Dave Ninja put it back together better than new 'cause we saved weight by leaving out parts like the oil thingee that gives it oil and some gaskets and stuff. We shoot it full of ether as starting fluid and yank the cord. Nothing. The engine hardly turns, but the jokes on you. We switch to the other zombiebot. Hours later we've fixed that one so it doesn't run either. But the jokes on you, the trip got canceled so we have till next summer.

Day 186, December 17: No Kill I plays and before the show we have 3 kegs of beer liberated from some place and we start drinking at noon and then Dave Ninja tries to get Captain Kirk to burn one of the zombiebots out on the tar covered roof/porch thing. The Federation smiles on the zombiebots and our apartment isn't burned down.

Day 193, December 24: The zombiebots sit there in the cold as I leave to spend Xmas Eve drunk and alone in a hotel (it's a tradition). Last year it was a really fancy hotel with a bottle of Bushmills. This year it's a cheapo motel in West Sac with a box of wine and a couple cans of Chef Boyardee raviolis that I'll eat cold with a plastic spoon. I don't know which hotel yet, but it's got to have a vibrating bed and a porn channel. And I'll chainsmoke generic cigarettes.

Day 244, February 6: The zombiebots have been set free. If you'd like to visit them, they're living in the alley between 20th and 21st and H and I streets (over by the Cheaper). They were last seen hiding behind Nick Offer's van that Gorman left at our house a few months ago. Feel free to pick them up, but remember they're fueled up and topped off with Starter Fluid so they're raring to go. Dave Ninja and I are still planning on shooting them, but I think we'll have to roll 'em down a hill if we want a moving target.

Day 259, February 21: I'm glad one of you swung by and picked up the zombiebots. Dave Ninja and I were gonna take out and shoot 'em, but they were gone. I hope you enjoy them.