Golly! I have arrived! The God of the Official 7th Heaven Fan Club frowned on my page and smited (smote?) me through Ruthie's ma. She saw the page and didn't like what she saw. Probably the "creepy stage mom" comment. She called the Beverly Hills cops and said I was displaying sarcasm on a page with her kid's picture and Ulink (my ISP back when they were good) yanked the page until I could get it straightened out. You'd think ulink would know the law on pornography, since it was a porn site when it started. They later became an ISP when they realized there was no money in internet porn.

Ulink quote:

We have been contacted by authorities regarding your displaying of a child star on a page with pornography. For your own protection we had to take down that page or you could be in serious trouble. In the future, please do not display pornography and children together. It is against the law and Ulink policies.

Apparently, the background of the potty mouth rabbit saying "[slang term for breasts that rhymes with "tits"] are for kids" is pornographic and can't co-exist peacefully with Ruthie. It was going to be changed to read "teats are for kids" but I'm far too lazy. I *'ed out some vowels in the text for good measure. Let's see, Ruthie had her people call her mom call the cops call my ISP call me, so it's pretty much like I'm from Hollywood.

Those Christians on alt.tv.7th-heaven really play hardball....

 
Dave "Smith" and Dawna visit little Ruthie.
Pictures by D-Cup Dawna, words by Dave "Smith".
Dave Smith and pet Ruthie  

Dave "Smith" and li'l Ruthie.

She was appearing at a mall in Stockton, so Dawna and Dave "Smith" drove down to Stockton in Dave "Smith's" 74 Charger.

Dave "Smith" is the one in the cop glasses.

 

 

Shortly after Dave "Smith" posed with Ruthie (Ruthie got the joke and laughed when Dave "Smith" said "no pictures 'till Dave "Smith" gets Dave "Smith's" cop glasses on"), Ruthie's mom and her entourage whisked her away.

Ruthie seems like she'd be okay, if her mom wasn't such a creepy stage mom. 
quick getaway to the batcopter
Charger, natch 
Dave "Smith" outside the 74 Charger SE. 

In this picture, Dave "Smith's" wearing leopard print spandex pants under the white pants. They don't show up in the photo, but trust Dave "Smith", they came through loud and clear in real life. 

And yeah, that's an NRA belt buckle. Dave "Smith's" proud to be a Life Member.

 

   

This is Dawna.

She took the photos
on the trip.

I don't think she wanted her face on this site.

Got milk? I wasn't gonna say it. Really. but I had to.
 
Dave Smith in Dave Smith's Charger
 
   

Dave "Smith's" 74 Charger SE. White vinyl interior and white vinyl roof. Dave "Smith" traded Avel a bad-luck Dodge A-100 van for it. The van was full of mold when Avel picked it up 'cause it leaked like the proverbial motherf*cker.

Stuff that came with the Charger included: Bruce Lee VHS boxed set, half a bottle of Jack Daniels under the seat, trucker speed pills, a "Show us your t*ts" sign, a No Means No tape (Sex Mad), empty suitcases, tons of trash, a car jack light (aka cigarrette lighter light) Avel used for jack-lighting punks making 'em drop their beer at shows (repossessed by Avel), and beer cans. And the inside door panel said "AVEL RULES."

The Charger, she didn't run when Dave "Smith" got it,
so Dave "Smith" picked up a blue vinyl coat, white pants
and put on some cop glasses. It still wouldn't start
and Dave "Smith" was stumped. 

Dave "Smith" went out looking for an "*ss, gas or grass,
nobody rides for free" sticker but failed. Dave "Smith"
was panicked, it'd never start without one...

Dave "Smith" located a furry guy flipping you off
sticker and a "No Tools Loaned" sticker. That did
the trick -- Dave "Smith" had the Charger back in its natural
environment and it started right up (even without a big-*ss whip antenna and a horn that played Dixie).

The Charger was traded to Speedo, a speed freak Baron von Grizman knows, for tons of work on Dave "Smith's" race-car Dart.

Speedo lives in a trailer behind the garage he works out of. It ain't a real type garage, so don't think Speedo's living the high-life. It's someone house garage.

Dave "Smith" would show up and Speedo would be working on 3 other cars, a truck and a motorcycle while sipping Jack Daniels and warm Budweiser with his common-law wife. There'd always be a .357 magnum with a laser-site electrical taped on within an easy reach.

The Wife later forged Speedo's name to some checks, cleared out his bank account and stole the Charger. She got picked up and Speedo had no money for which to pay trailer rent so he got kicked out. He's in jail now too, but I don't possibly know why.

Everything about that Charger was perfect. It really lived up to Dave "Smith's" expectations of what a 74 Charger should be.

 

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