October 11, 2004

Sex and dying in high society

Posted by DaveSmith

The horror.. the horror... No wait, that's no good. Want to make a wager for Injury, Death or Giving Up?

At my Go Away party, there was a world map with a super rough idea of what I want to see and where I want to go. Along one side it said, "Make Guesses for Injuries, Death or Giving Up" and people wrote in comments. Have any to post?

  • MIA - Last seen in Mongolia - Avel
  • Will "Go Native" in N. India - Bob S.
  • Will get mugged in N. Zealand by Maoris - Naes
  • Anal sex in Athens - Hal
  • Ask to buy diamonds India - Jay
  • Gun fight in Pakistan - ?
  • Free soju in Korea - Jay
  • Cape Horn (death by penguin) - Rudge
  • We'll meet you for a Guinness in Dublin, Ireland 8/14/2006 - Heart Cary, Robert, Gina and Andrew (a couple sisters and their husbands)
  • Will step off plane in Sydney, start bawling like a waif and book the first flight back to the States. Plane crashes 5 miles off the coast of Tonga, no one survives - Chris O. (this is the guy subletting my apartment by the way)
  • Dave, I hope you get to know all those sheep in Australia and New Zealand. Don't die and come back, ok? - Heart Heather
  • Dysentery in Bangladesh - Alice
  • Taken hostage in Guandong Province - Maya
  • You'll get taken by a White Pointer (that's a shark, dummy) off the Great Barrier Reef and we'll never see you again and we'll be sad. But your motorcycle will survive and we'll drink beer with it. - Heart Cheddar
  • I bet you'll have sex with an aborigine. - ?
  • Lord Humongous of The Ayatollah of Rock n Rolla kills you for your precious juice (with a boomerang). This will happen in Australia, duh. - Mike C.
  • Live free or die, motherfucker - Marie and Molly (written by New Hampshire)
  • Thailand equals Thai Boys - TT
  • Sleep with my ex-boyfriend's mom - ? (points to Ireland)
  • Don't miss Isle of Man in 2006, I'll see you in Douglas - Ed C.
  • Dolomite Road - check it out man - ? (in Italy)
  • Come drink Arak with Alex here (Tehran) - Alex (who I hope to meet up with to tour the Spice Trail)
  • Yellow diarrhea - you'll know what I mean (over by Brazil) - ?

My dad is concerned that I'll be taking a leak or a shower in some country, the guy next to me will see that I'm circumsized, think I'm Jewish and kill me. By the way, most Americans are circumsized, but thankfully, that practice is going away. Oddly enough, I don't think that will happen.

I would like to thank the people that have bought some of my junk at my yard sales, donated money, and bought raffle tickets at the Go Away party. I can't believe how many people wanted the Porn Lamp and the Can of One Whole Chicken. If you missed seeing the Porn Lamp, it was a joke present from an ex-girlfriend. Ann glued a ton of nudey pictures to a lampshade.

Thanks again to Alex A. I'm hoping to meet up with Alex in Spain or the Middle East. He gave me a card with "the two things you'll need the most": money and some anti-diarreah pills. Another Alex, Alex G, let my girlfriend Marletta throw a party at his house with punk rock bands playing. No cops showed up, his house wasn't destroyed and it seemed (to me at least), that everyone had a good time.

My next post should be from Australia. I leave tomorrow and I haven't cleaned out my apartment or even started packing my stuff yet. Still need to pick up an absentee ballot, return TE Lawrence books at the library, fix and sell my Monkey Wards Benelli 350cc, record with my band No Kill I, and find my passport which disappeared sometime last week.

No Kill I played our last show Sunday afternoon. Last show until I'm back, I mean. I really like playing in this band. I didn't think we'd be very entertaining since it was a 3pm show and we, as well as the crowd, would be sober. Some friends went to Cap'n Jerk's apartment with a King Sized bottle of whiskey before the show and got Ed drunk. The Press Club sells 24 oz cans of Pabst for $2 and the crowd was nicely liquored up.

Ed was blacked-out drunk. He rolled around in a huge beer puddle, and roamed around hollering random crazy comments. Some homeless guy sang songs and played air guitar -- not our songs -- just random bits in between our songs.

I couldn't find my Gorn mask in the wreckage of my apartment, so I wore a broken Incredible Hulk halloween mask that Ground Chuck found in a trash can last year.

Hard Drinkin Abe Lincoln lectured the crowd about how his Emancipation Act freed the slaves in the 19th Century, and how now that he's in the 24th Century, he's Emancipation Act is freeing sexy girls of their virginity. Sheman Rand, Yeoman Rand and Spock weren't drunk and they had a good time. Star Trek punk rock band creating chaos. It's great being alive!

(note: comments have been closed for this entry)

Posted by DaveSmith at October 11, 2004 12:00 AM

Count me in for Injury. That at least will be first.

Posted by: Dr. Biggles at October 11, 2004 01:53 PM

You're just an errand boy sent by grocery clerks to collect the bill. I predict you'll end up just like Neil Hamburger, left for dead in Malaysia...

You drink tea, don't you.

Posted by: the Colonel Kurz at October 12, 2004 12:24 PM

lost in desert by month two...surviving only on dingo's you've killed with the snap-on rachet you're thoughtful brother-in-law repaired for you... I hope they taste like chicken.

Posted by: zombykiller at October 12, 2004 09:09 PM

discovers the map to the Ark, rides duc with rehsus and tiny asian boy, round places and junk, while managing to email his superhot girlfriend everyday.

Posted by: peanut at October 13, 2004 08:20 AM

i'm so pissed that i missed your dave go away event. f'n work got in the way. if you need any help from the anti-kidnapping league or you need the kidnapping league to get you out of a sticky situation (involving sheep in australia) let me know. see you in japanese porn. amy

Posted by: girlonthemove at October 13, 2004 10:17 AM

i'm so pissed that i missed your dave go away event. f'n work got in the way. if you need any help from the anti-kidnapping league or you need the kidnapping league to get you out of a sticky situation (involving sheep in australia) let me know. see you in japanese porn. amy

Posted by: girlonthemove at October 13, 2004 10:17 AM

Anyone have pics from the go-away party or the NKI show? I forgot my camera for party and remembered to bring it to the show, but drank too much and forgot to actually use it


Posted by: deeann at October 14, 2004 04:17 PM

Dave, you idiot, you forgot to give us your bank info, so now we can't pay the rent, and your bank account it going to keep spitting out money to the colonel once a month. You'll be Broke before Brisbane. I hope to god you're reading this.

Posted by: Chris at October 14, 2004 10:52 PM

Hey Deeann-
There are pictures on Dave's camera from the show and party. Dunno if he'll be dumping them on the site though.

Posted by: Charo at October 15, 2004 08:50 AM

I predict you get kidnapped into white slavery in India. There you will be forced preform alongside a tiger.

this is the best bl0g ever.

Posted by: bewbew at October 15, 2004 05:34 PM

Chris O- I'm afraid you're out of the running. He's still there :)

Posted by: deeann at October 15, 2004 06:41 PM

I put my wager on losing an appendage. Finger, arm, or testicle.

I hope that doesn't happen, but if the gods deem it so, I'd at least like to cash in.

Just biddness.

Posted by: DrMurdock at October 17, 2004 01:17 AM

You might freeze your ballz off in Siberia.

Posted by: fuckhead at October 21, 2004 02:57 PM

I'm drunk, i hope Dave is too.
Crazy monkey fucker.

Posted by: fuckhead at October 21, 2004 03:04 PM