September 19, 2008

Mister Pottymouth

Posted by gornzilla

Just a short post where I try out some Hindi swearing. Kids and mothers aren't allowed to read this post.

I never got to the punchline on the last post which was what the title was about. I'm all over the place. Maybe with a bit of luck, I'll write a book about this trip and clean up all this crud.

Most Indians are good natured. Even when they're ripping you off. At first I was calling it "the Western tax" (a phrase that I stole from someone). I was talking with a Jordanian and some Nepalis who said they get overcharged too. Then some Indians said same thing happens to them. To paraphrase the great American writer Jim Thompson, fools are made to be whipped. Sure, you've probably never heard of him, but look him up. He's written some great books if you like con artists, which I do, which is why I love Varanasi.

Anyway, Indians seem up for pulling a fast one, and sure, there's been some bombings, but Indians aren't as violent as Americans. Even though last night I was protected by a new friend who drunkenly waved a borrowed gun around (while protecting me from the bad guys). Maybe because there's 1.1 billion of them, they can't afford violence, so they've routed themselves around it. Many men are chock full o' macho, there's even an Enfield motorcycle called "Machismo".

Getting at my point, that they laugh at themselves and others. I've been told many words, that I can't pronounce correctly so I'm sure the words that I'll write mean nonsense, which is the punchline. I get told, "sooku", "boodhu", "carpetoo" and pointed off at other Indians to call. Then everyone laughs. Me included. Sala. Chutiya.

Hindi has some great swear words. There's a phrase that a friend (and old boss) Raj taught me, "Teri ma ki chutme katiyadalke teri bahenko fatak fatak chodenge" that means something like, "I'll take a cot, shove it up your mother's vagina, and fuck your virgin sister". The "fatak fatak" part means "bang the hell out of her". It's not a super common phrase, but everyone knows what it means. Maybe I should quit saying that when I meet people instead of saying the traditional, "Namaste!". No, no, I kid, I kid.

It's the same thing I do to foreigners in the US. Teach them how to swear. It always goes over well hearing a Japanese friend say, "Fuck you, motherfucker". Although Hindi's say "sisterfucker" instead (or probably also). There's also some other phrase that wasn't translated well that I've heard a few times (and I don't quite understand) which means, "you come from your mother's vagina". I'm sure there's a swearing part that I don't know about with that one.

Sorry the spam got out of control. It's nice that I've been noticed by the spambots. I'll start cutting the comment time to 3 days. Bleh.

Posted by gornzilla at September 19, 2008 09:23 AM

Another GREAT post. Thanks. I needed to learn more swear words.

Posted by: justin other smith at September 19, 2008 06:15 PM

And here I've tho't for years that Tagalog was the most expressive language for swearing...combination languages generally have the most complex swear words...American english is right up there close to the top in that respect....India, being a large and diverse culture......ah, gosh darn it 'n dagnabbit, y'know what I mean......

Posted by: justin other smith at September 19, 2008 07:05 PM

I'm thinking those first two comments are from mom...Do they have slang dictionaries in India? If the cursing is that good, even the regular slang should be extra special.

Posted by: kellye at September 21, 2008 08:30 AM

Nick from Popdefect is over here in nippon. We stayed up drinking all nite. He passed out sometime in mornin`. I went to the drunken horse fest with his friend Greg(i think).We stood out yellin` "biru chodai,biru chodai" which means give me a beer.I drank too much but it was free(yatta!!)....How do you say give me a beer?In one of the many languages in India?

Posted by: j at September 21, 2008 09:45 AM

I thought of you today when an '82 Seca showed up in CL. Sounds like you're having a real western adventure. Keep up the good work!

Posted by: adm at September 21, 2008 10:11 AM

update, please...

Posted by: kellye at October 3, 2008 08:22 PM